Frazzled Friday: Calling all Crumbling Corporate and Creative Types

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Right you lot.   

Welcome to Frazzled Friday. 

Your new home for all the effed up things you see in your life: burnout, relationship failures, lack of connection, isolation, anxiety, depression, lack of self-worth, oh god the list is soul destroying just reading it.... Kind of, but not actually. 

For this is all about to change for you friends. 

Never fear Miss Cook is here (those friends of mine who just snort laughed, you will regret that when I am Australian Oprah). 

Yeah yeah, corporate ballers, I know, I know.  You don't got time for the woo woo, fluffy bullshit.  You don't got time for change, you are busy dealing with the day to day grind already, your shitty boss and your nagging spouse already.  Nama-fucking-ste lady, but you gotta excuse me, I got shit to do.  Step aside please, busy person coming through. 

Aha.  Yup.  Said that once or twice myself.  But slow your roll sunshine, you may actually just want to read/hear this before you blaze on through, because I am offering to do all the heavy lifting for you.  Free of charge.  For now.  Well that, and what I really am offering is to do the heavy collecting and the cat skinning for you. 

Because do it for you I cannot, BUT buzz around the world and scooping up all the really grounded, solid solutions for all the above problems, whilst also stripping out the unnecessary yip yap (until you are ready for more),  thenrefining it and honing it down to the barest of brass tacks, and delivering it up to you with a wink and a smile.   That, that I can do for you.  Just like the tea ladies in the law firms of old; "here's your cup of tea and a biscuit, sugar".  Handed to you at your desk. God I miss Pearl & Ange (they were the tea ladies in my former world).   

So that's that.  That's me, that's what I am going to do for you here at Miss Cook & Co from now on. That, and continue to make you "wince-laugh" by sharing all my person "Bottom 3" moments so that you can truly see you are not alone, and indeed likely there is someone far more desperate, or perhaps even degenerate, than you.  I offer myself up on the altar "lets elevate humanity".  

So welcome home honey.  You gonna be spending a bit of time here in the future...because I think once you try a bit of this, you're going to want more. And more.  AND MORE.  And what's even better is I am going to give it to you, spoon fed, just like you like it ;-).  

I am on a mission to help all the "old me"'s of the world.  Yes you, my frazzled corporate or creative friend.   I have been watching what's happening since I got home to Australia, this time looking from the outside in, and I'll be honest I don't like what I see for everyone living life at warp-speed.   I am watching with a heavy heart as some of my most precious humans are dying on the inside from a life filled with burning a 4 wick (Palm Beach Sandalwood mega) candle at every single end available to you.  

This was me a couple of years ago: fucked up, emotionally twisted and frizzle fried corporate lawyer at her wits' end with not a second to spare before the next nuclear explosion or a heart seizure moment.  More of those proverbial candles than you could poke a stick at.  More of my ends being burned than...yeah yeah, you get it. Tricky word plays are not what you are here for.   Less jibber jabber MC, more cut to the point.  Ok ok, calm your farm.  

So let's get to it; end of the day, why listen to me?  What would I know?  Well, that bit's simple. You are me, and I was you.  And trust me I know exactly what sort of a shit sandwich of monumental proportions you are facing, and all the manoeuvres you are pulling to try and avoid it.   Some days are good, don't get me wrong, my world was not horrible all the time, as I bet yours isn't either, but overall I give it a 3/10.  That's not ideal.  I don't know about you, but i am confident we can do better than a 3.

I know this because I am now a solid 8, 10 on a good day.  Constantly.  Not just once in a blue moon.  I set myself free, so I know how, I have a proven trak record of 1 so far.    So if you will let me, I want to help you even achieve a teeny weeny bit more space in that ever crowded body and brain of yours, because I know the way, I have waded through the woo woo swamp.  Let me show you things that just might save your day/week/life.  Take only what you need, take none of what you don't want.  This is not a sales pitch, this is the response to what can only be described as a universal SOS call.  It's just you babe, although I know you would love to think you are the only special snowflake (yeah, I see you my little ego warrior), but this overwhelm is EVERYWHERE. 

But, I am not trying to help everyone, I am trying to help YOU.  Those that I know, those that I can speak for with authority, and those that I can understand your problems intimately because I have lived them.   Dead inside corporate lawyer walking. 

No one understands this feeling of abject overwhelm like me: the knots, the frenetic flow of blood around your body that makes you want to vomit, the anxious twitching, the (small/large scale)  insta-rage, the nervous rush when something doesn't go your way that results in endless apocalyptic thoughts.  And this may have just been because you got a passive aggressive email from a client/your boss suggesting you may be a little less than perfect, not something that was going to change the course of your life.  Blowing up the little things to meltdown proportions was one of the first (if you can believe it) signs I recognised that my life had taken a turn for the worse, and that I needed help.  Stat.   

Side bar: admitting to this does not make you "weak" or "weird".  Let's dispense with that early and move on. 

Back to where we were: just call me the Overwhelm Queen.  

So as your self-appointed OQ, I think it's incumbent on me to help you, the way I helped myself.  Call it service, call it 000 (or 911 for you people not lucky enough to live where I live), or just call it feeling your pain.  Now, I realise, your first thought may be something like this "well smart ass, not everyone can quit their job, and cut and run off into the jungle for two years like you did. I'd be amazing too if I didn't work for two years".  Yeah, touche.  I know.  Hear you. Got that.  I am not suggesting you follow in my footsteps on the radical change scale (unless this is your jam, and then hell yes to that). 

I also feel that many of you, by that I mean 99% of you, are not ready to choke down epic amounts of woo-woo and listen to inordinate amounts of spiritual speak to get the medicine you so badly need.  And why would you?  I hear you "you mean add some more shit for me to do each day. Ummmmm #nothanks". it is, here's what I am offering to you: let me be your Inspiration Infirmary.   You bring your broken down carcass here and I am going to offer you everything from chicken soup to morphine to electric shock therapy.  You work up to your daily pain threshold in your own time, but rest assured, if it's a possible solution to your internal shit, I am going to put it here.  The small, the simple and the almighty soul shakers.  All of it.  You are incredibly intelligent humans, I am not going to insult you by telling you what you need.  I am going to make some suggestions, skin it of all the irrelevant blah blah off and throw it away, and serve up the filet mignon left and see if you have an appetite for it.  If not, no worries, move on to the next idea.  Something will stick. 

A bit like being your own personalised IV to all things woo-woo, only what you absolutely need, boiled down to brass tacks, without the waffle I know you (mainly) despise.  What I know for sure is this: I know that there is equal amounts of desperation and rage with a dollop of indignation at having to ask the hippies for help, because well, I was there a couple of years back.   You know you need help, but from these waffly touchy feely hemp wearing humans?  Surely not. 

Sorry to say frazzled corporates, but surely yes.  Suck it up kids, because there are bits of this process that while difficult to swallow at first (hello John Holmes), will yield the most exceptional opening for your worn out bodies and minds, and frankly is exactly what your exhausted asses need.  Those hippies that you sneer at (those bloody beautiful humans): they got what YOU need.   But maybe, just maybe, hearing it from a fellow recovering corporate wash-up/cum lifestyle design guru, may make it just a little easier to digest.  For if I have felt the need for it, most likely you have too, but also I have felt like I wanted to throw it at a wall for being too woofy, too wishy washy and let me save you the heartburn, and translate it for you so you don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.  

Yes I see you.  Smirking.  You know it's true.  One whiff of woo and I bet you toss it out the freaking window before it says a single word.  You would because I would have.  Yeah? I know. I know you.  But listen here sugar pop, just go with me, and suck it and see.   Don't let your ego block what you came here for.  Slow it down babycakes and just let this sit for a bit.  One step at a time. One step at a time. I know exactly what it takes to make this Pierro Chardonnay washdownable.  Stick with me. I can make you want it, I know I can, because it's all in the delivery for folks like us.  

You know, I know how hard this all is to accept initially.  I absolutely acknowledge that there are equal parts "I want this" and equal parts "back the eff off with your wishy washy rah rah" that are alive in you as you read this (if you have got this far it's a fucking miracle or a very slow day).  BRAVO!!!!! The first steps are always the most challenging.  Swear, kick and scream, but come back again and try again in 5 minutes.  Do this until you can stay for a minute or two.  I have all the time in the world and I will not give up on you. 

Back in the day, while I was melting on the inside from everything from chronic fatigue to total and utter mental meltdown, everytime I tried anything remotely mindful, my monkey mind (or active brain) was in constant overdrive and SIS hijack mode, there was no space for another single thing, and to be honest if you were not working at my speed, well frankly, I didn't want to hear it #slightlyarrogantmuch.  Speed it up, hippie.  Chop chop.  Beat the drum and sing the song elsewhere, just show me what you got and HURRY THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.  

Oooooooh ouch.  That's not very namaste is it?

So, having said all that, I got this for you, this is what I am here for.  I got your mental Valium, I got your better than morphine pain relief and I got heart healing.  Riiiiiiight here.  I put myself in the woo washing machine some time ago, and I am still alive, I survived and I am THIRVING, and now I am going to share what I know, and what I got, with your Kentucky Fried minds.

I speak fluent woo woo and have not (I assure you, sadly), completely let go of that incredibly overactive busy bee brain.  So I know the magic and the curse of both.  I can, for lack of a better word, straddle both worlds, and bring to you some of the exceptionally esoteric learnings from the woos in a language that won't want to make you punch your co-worker (more than you already want to) or your children (please never punch your children, ever)).   I am the bridge between you, and what you need.  I got this kids.  If there is one thing I know, it's this.  

So yes friends, this is lifestyle redesign for the frazzled frenetic types, Miss Cook style.  Don't fear, I say FUCK as much as I say BREATHE, and I believe that for you lot, you gonna need something reeeeeeeeeeeally different, and frankly, I don't really think you should be forced into the model built for someone else anyway.  Let's tailor what you want to the way you wanna get it, and let's get on with it.  

We are going to go everywhere over the coming years: we're going to burnout, anxiety, relationship meltdown, heart hurts, depression, shame, guilt, parenting problem.  You name it, its a problem you, I GOT THIS.  I GOT YOU.  WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER.  I just ask you to put your addled mind in my hands, and let me do the rest. 

I am super excited, and sending you so much love. 

Miss Cook xoxo

Angela CookComment